Vent

So, I'll admit: I've been slacking.

I stop and think sometimes- a moment of clarity some call it- and I see my younger self in the past and I'm ashamed of who he's becoming. I know, it's too early for a mid-life crisis, but if it's true what they say, I guess the good die young.

And no, this isn't some kind of death wish.

Have you ever felt like you were dying inside; to rephrase the question (so that I won't have one of my boys placing a hand on that shoulder with those, "I know you ain't turning Emo" looks):

Have you ever felt as though you were losing touch with a part of yourself? More specifically, a part that you might as well have defined as you? I used to be a writer. I'd journal everyday. I'd fill the margins of my loose leaf with stories to bypass the time in AP. I'd write about something when I knew from the start I had nothing, and it would actually be something. I swear to everything I love: it used to be my own little secret, something I'd pride myself off of internally. I figured it was a gift from God, these hands, a personal gift of creation that God, Yahweh, Jah, Him, himself gave to me to remind me of who I was and what I could become.

To make something out of nothing... Yo... I thought that was me. That was me. I know it. But, I don't know where he went. But now, I'm stuck with me.

This guy...

He talks a lot. Brags about the old kid he used to be. But this guy... Me. Right now. In the moment. He's pissed. Torn. Etc. But he's trying to keep his head up. To stay in it. To write again. So I guess the first step is him bitching on the blog. How masculine. Ha.

So much for fathers day. I'm pretty sure my pen's disowned me...

Like It Or Not

It's June. Freedom has come. People are not treading that lightly. Lovable Christians seem to want to pull out the Bible for hate when an issue they can't stand comes up. We promise to love everyone unconditionally. I'm heading to college soon and have experienced no less than 15 lessons in humility over the past month. I'm still trying to achieve a balance between knowing and utilizing my strengths, BUT!! at the same time, not boasting them. In so, here's the point:

I'm starting a new rap project. Based loosely on the finale of the film Evita (1996), this concept album will tackle the restrained thoughts of everything that I have seemingly lost over the past year. This will hopefully prove that yes, Madonna can be used for good at times. Friendships have been soured and sanity needs to be regained in the lyrical mind. Although it seems sad, this album will officially let go of those things in the past, as they no longer need to be held onto. With each song relinquishing each thought, each friend, or each mind blown, the chip on a person’s shoulder will gradually decrease, eventually allowing the person to walk upright and into new beginnings.

Here's a temporary track listing. Many of the songs will be extended from blog posts on this site. The formation of thoughts have been attributed to the many wonderful people I've interacted with and will miss dearly. There's a pattern about the titles, but the main objective will still remain in the lyrics.
Lament
Possession (Were The World Mine)
I’m Going Bananas
You’ll See
Borderline
Submerged World
Something To Remember
Reality Hits Hard
Sorry
Social Doctrine
Mr. Stress
Forbidden Love
Piano & None
Letter From A High School Jail Cell
Sky Fits Heaven [New Title Needed]
Cold Heart [Non-Hook Version]

Try your best to influence at least one life before you leave this world; it'll make your trials worth all the while. I know it has for me.